100804 Let’s Talk Choices 7 Choosing a Life Mate Introduction:
· Choosing a husband or a wife is one of the biggest and most impacting decisions you can make in life outside of making Jesus Lord of your life.
· Choosing wisely will help you to enter into your marriage with a greater opportunity to have and build an excellent marriage.
1. What is the purpose of marriage?
A. Why does marriage exist?i. Procreation—children. Gen 1:28
ii. Companionship-not for the purpose of dealing with loneliness but being each others best friend. Gen 2:18 Helper/companion.
iii. Completion-Gen 2:24—one flesh. Not about sex but about completing each other. “My other half”. This has to do with destiny in God.
iv. Dominion—Kingdom expression. Gen 1:28 It is an expression of the mystery of God in the earth. Paul compares marriage to the mystery of Christ and the church. God intended Kingdom expression to best be lived out in family.
B. Is there only one for me?i. Yes, it is the one you choose, so choose wisely.
ii. God has given us the power of choice. It is a gift and with it comes responsibility.
iii. God intended us to be husband and wife for life and that only death would separate us.
iv. If we use wisdom in choosing a spouse, and seek God for confirmation we will choose the right one.
2. How will I know this is the one?
A. Knowing if this is the right one has a lot to do with your relationship with God. It also has lots to do with your ability to choose wisely. Read Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.” NKJV For all you ladies who dislike the fact that you are called a ‘thing’ in this passage, it literally reads in the Hebrew, ‘He who finds a wife finds good…” In applying this to our culture the action works both ways ‘husbands’.
i. What does the word ‘finds’ imply?a. There is a choice in the matter.
b. I must be looking, and I must be looking for something specific.
c. If I find good, the implication is that I have chosen according to wisdom.
ii. What does it mean to obtain favor from the Lord?a. Heb. Obtain means: To bring out, to furnish, to cause to go out. In other words, what we ‘find’ can either bring blessing or curse—you choose.
b. Heb. Rason means: Favor-means pleasure, delight, acceptance.
c. Why would finding a good wife bring favor out of God? It would mean that we have chosen wisely.B. What characteristics should I look for in a spouse? Assemble those characteristics in a list.
i. Honesty, forgiving, teachable, hungry for God, respectful of family, diligent, good habits-(personally, publicly, with family.) how they handle money, how they treat their parents, submitted to spiritual authority.
ii. Prioritize your list as a group and why?C. How important is it for you to know your eternal purpose in Christ? Why?
i. Knowing my destiny immediately narrows the list of potential spouses because I do not want to marry outside my destiny. I want to be married to the person who will bring out God’s best in me.
ii. The key to building a great marriage is to discover God’s eternal purpose for the marriage, not rules to prevent divorce.
D. How will you know if this is the one? Summaryi. They are a solid Christian. Why is this important?
a. 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?” NKJV
ii. The favor of God is visible upon them. They walk in righteousness and they walk according to the word of God. This opens doors of favor upon them.
iii. They have high character and quality traits about them. This will allow you to experience a quality relationship with them that is rich, personable, and wholesome.
iv. They will help and not hinder the plan of God for me.
a. Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." NKJV
b. The word comparable literally means completion or the one who completes me, makes me whole.
v. You have heard God. This starts in the place of peace.
vi. My family likes them and I like their family. Marriage is not just about the two of you. When you marry someone you marry the whole family. Good, Bad and Ugly.
3. What do I do while I wait?
A. Prepare for marriage.i. What does it mean to prepare? To make ready, to provide for, to take the necessary measures in advance. To put in proper condition or readiness.
ii. Read Revelation 19:7 “Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready." NKJV
a. Why was everyone so happy in this verse? Two things: it was a marriage of the Lamb and the bride had made herself ready. She had prepared.
b. How long does it take the typical bride to get ready? Why? The wife in this passage refers to the church. For a reminder she has been getting ready for over 2000 years. It takes time to prepare, so start now!
B. Many people will spend years preparing for a career but will get married without even thinking about preparing. If you were giving advice to a young person who wants to be married, what top three things would you tell them to do to prepare for marriage?
i. Read good books on marriage.
ii. Talk about marriage with mature Christian friends.
iii. Practice accountability in finances—be a tither and a giver
iv. Practice putting others above yourself. Improve your serve. Our culture is self centered. Learn to give yourself unselfishly to others: ie. Parents, nursing home, etc.
v. Practice strong discipline: get up early, be on time, go the extra mile, be excellent in all your doings, have a strong work ethic.
vi. Become a good communicator.
vii. Know the basics—can I cook, do laundry, check the oil, after all you are marrying to serve not be served.
viii. Know your own personality.
ix. Grow in intimacy with Christ.
x. Increase your spiritual maturity.
xi. Learn etiquette—good habits, personal and public. Be a gentleman. Be a lady.
C. How will I know when I am ready to be married?i. When you have spent adequate time preparing and not waiting.
ii. When your parents feel that you are ready.
iii. When your spiritual covering/pastor feels you are ready.
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